My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
