Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
