Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
