Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
