can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
