Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
