Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
