I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
