i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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