Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
