i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
