she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
