Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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