She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
