It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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