so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
