We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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