why didn't you poke me back
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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