I'm jealous of your bromance
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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