I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
