oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
