During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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