If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Let's get the cat blown out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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