Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
