Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
