I want to stick my p in your. b.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize