he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
