Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
