I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
