She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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