So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The uberlube is also flammable
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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