everyone is single if you try hard enough
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
