I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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