I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO