$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect