i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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