I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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