i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize