The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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