he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize