i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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