READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
