Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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