u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
