how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
