what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
