Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
