It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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