Farmville is her only friend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Vodka?
Forever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
