I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
