Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the day after is always just damage control
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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