Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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