i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
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I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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