Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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