every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
