oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
