I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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