Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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