Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
