It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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