so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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