So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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