Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
