best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's shark week go big or go home
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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