So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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