I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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