so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
