i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
