Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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