And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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