Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
