i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
