I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
