her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
