My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Someone shit on the floor
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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